This is dedicated to all my children, grandchildren and my first great-grandson, Ashtyn. Hopefully the messages I leave you are a clear as this photo.
Lyrics: It was 19 Somethin'
Written by Chris Dubois and David Lee as performed by Mark Willis
"It was 1980 somethin'
In the world that I grew up in
Skating rinks and black Trans AMs
Big hair and parachute pants
Lookin back now I can see me
And oh man did I look cheesy
I wouldn't trade those day for nothin'
It was 1980 somethin."
Yesterday, I was going through my "important papers" box to find some documents Susan needed for enrollment in school. She needed her birth certificate, adoption papers and proof of her American citizenship because this is a Law Enforcement school and she will need a background check (it is a little difficult wrapping my mind around the fact that my youngest is now old enough to do these things). While I was putting together the documents she needed, I came across a large envelope marked "mom's treasures". I had to take a few moments to look at the letters my children wrote, the drawings they did and for a few moments, I was back in time just like the words to this song. There were a few photographs and, like the song said, there was some "cheese" involved. It made me take a long, hard look at myself as some memories of being a mom came into my mind. Some things, I might have done differently and some things I would do the same even though it might not be in agreement with my children then or now.
When our children are growing up they need balance in their life. Not just the right diet and trying to control the kind of movies or television shows they watch; they need the planting of seeds that will stay in their heart when nothing else in their world makes sense. My children were required to go to church with me until they graduated high school and they had to sit with me. After they graduated, it was their choice. Some continued with joy, some did not but the seeds were planted. Without exception, they found this to be unfair and old-fashioned but they did not get into trouble with the ones sitting on the back row for disrupting the church and sometimes they actually sang with the congregation. They might not have gotten a thing from the talk but I know sometimes a little slipped into their heart because it showed up later in their lives.
They need sports, dance, music and fun with friends. With all these things they need their parents to go with them instead of dropping them off. Yes, I was one of those embarrassing parents who actually went to baseball or soccer practice and some of my greatest evenings were sitting in the audience while my granddaughters danced not even knowing if I was there. I wrote letters that made them angry and the lectures of why "right is right and wrong is wrong" were also resented by all but every single one got them. They also got the last minute pants hemmed, the homework dropped off at school and the shoulder that sometimes could not make the hurt go away.
I was (and am) the meanest mom in the world. I think children should clean their own rooms after they are five, the household chores should be shared without payment and saying "yes sir" and "no sir" has a place in our society. When my children were small the laundry had to be folded before they went to play and when mom said to do something to ask "why?" was not even considered. When my children were small, they stood in a corner (they call it time out now except it usually is less severe than standing in a corner). I did not raise a single child that did not feel the sting of my hand on their bottom when their hearing was failing them. In this box, I found reminders of the days I had my children pull weeds in the back yard or they were given "community service" hours for not following some 'silly rule' I had. I should probably explain the "community service". I used that from 2000 to about 2003. My youngest were too old to spank and too young to be sent to the military so we got up early in the morning (only the ones in trouble) and we walked the perimeter of our neighborhood picking up trash. It was for an hour at a time and we did it for as many hours as they were "sentenced"... together. I never sent them alone and I worked as hard as they did. It was important for them to know their mom would never leave their side and there are consequences for their decisions. Afterward, we got home just as everyone was waking up and we had breakfast together. Moving forward was an important part of the balance. We had prayer at dinner together and "no" was a frequent answer to the things that "everybody else" was doing.
I have been a mom since I was nineteen and I am 'way old' now... at least I feel that way some days. I am not perfect by any means and there have been many lonely nights when I prayed and asked God to fill in the spots that I missed of their hearts. I asked for His forgiveness if I did anything that was wrong or not pleasing to Him because in the end, it will be Him that I answer to. I take that very seriously. Hearts and memories should be filled with the seeds of love and hope as part of this balancing act and I know the weeds of deception, doubt and fear are plentiful in this life. I can't protect my family from those seeds. There are far to many places in life that they exist but recently I have had the privilege of hearing the giggles of my grandchildren, read the writings of how proud my granddaughter is to be a mom and saw the excitement in my daughters eyes as she prepares to go into the world and make her mark. I have never seen a more beautiful garden and like the song says "I wouldn't trade those days for nothin'"
Hebrews 12:1 Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin that so easily ensnares us and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.
Love,
Nana
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