One thing that I like about writing my blog is I can start something, write my thoughts and come back later to edit it. That's really cool for me right now because I don't always have time to write everything and if I don't spell something right, it's not like I'm speaking to somebody face to face. I can go back later and change the words. I sure wish I could do that in real time. I dedicate this blog to my husband David. If I left the living room and he was reading, when I come back he will still be there. There are some things you really don't want to change.
Song number 1: What's that Sound
"Somethings happening here and what it is ain't exactly fair..." If you know the rest of the words, this will mean something to you but if you don't well... then it may not. It's all good.
I have a shirt that my son gave me; it's one I specificially asked for because I saw a woman wearing a hat with this logo and I thought "that says it all". It is stained from wear and orange (which is a color I would never buy for myself). It has a stick figure on it that any kindergardener could copy but the words... "Life is Good" says it all; at least it does for me. In fact, I believe that to be the truest statement I have ever heard. It does not say "Life is Fair"... that could be taken two ways: life is just "so so", not really bad and not really good or "Life is Just" which I really don't think it is.
If life were "just" or "fair", when we have grandchildren we would have the energy we had when our children were young and our bodies would stay as strong as our will. Going to the gym would really produce the bodies the television commercials promise and if anybody had to step in front of a bus, it would be the person on the way to hurt an innocent child but that's not how life is.
I have a job some people envy. My office is in my home and a majority of my work I do on the phone. It's not that I don't have a boss... I have several and I have to report my work to them quite often. Even though my work seems easy to others and I am grateful that I can work from home I have deadlines. Yes, I can do a load of laundry, start dinner and get half a days' work done in my pajamas but at the end of the day, there is nobody to answer for my project but me and when I get tired, I still have to meet those deadlines. Recently I was late in a deadline because I just forgot to finish it! If you read my blog about why grandmothers are grandmothers and mommies are mommies, you can see the comical part of this time but it really is not funny at all. It's not funny and it's not fair.
I miss having a photograhic memory. I miss being the person you could ask "what happened" and not get a blank stare.... I miss being myself.
There was a time when everything in my life seemed orderly. If I wanted a cookbook, I knew exactly where it was and could probably tell you what page the recipe was on even if it had been ten years since I used it. When you opened to the recipe I could probably tell you word for word what it said. My top bookshelf had the classics on it with novels in a small section and history took up two shelves. I had a whole book shelf of nothing but reference books from astronomy to how to rebuild a carburetor. The last time we moved we had fourteen cases of just books because my husband and son also find them valuable. That's how we all learned... once upon a time. We either had somebody show us or we went to a book... now people use computers or don't bother to learn about ancient stuff because it is so much more interesting to beat a video game.
My life is not orderly. I don't dust every Monday or shop every Friday and fill my car up with gas then wash it. That used to be my routine but I seem to run out of time before I run out of "list". I don't mend the laundry as I find the missing button in the dryer or mend the tear on the pocket. That used to an easy way to take care of our laundry, you know the old "a stitch in time saves nine". (Do the repair before it becomes a major rip or you loose the button). You would think that gives me more time to do other things but it doesn't. For the first time in my life, I panic instead of welcome the thought of deadlines. It has always been a personal game with me... deadlines are just dates. I always strive to complete the task in an orderly way well before deadline and above what is expected. That's getting harder for me. It is almost spring and I have Christmas things still sitting on my desk. I am no longer orderly or efficient and I don't like it. Alas. That is how life is I suppose.
Song number 2: Jesus loves meAnytime I find myself concentrating on song number 1, I try to remember song number 2. Then I have to smile and say "He certainly does" and life does not have to be "fair" or "just"... just lived.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 "To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven" and His timing is always perfect without "deadlines".
Love,
Nana
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